Obviously I did not die and in fact made it home safely. Since then I have been working on the house, visiting my grandparents (who are doing just fine), and working on the house.

Lots of working on the house. Got the ceilings down, got some walls down, and tomorrow? Tomorrow I will get more walls down. Whoo.

Shaved my beard down to stubble because it was starting to get a little too good at catching soup and anyway I'd been meaning to do so for a while. It is shorter than I usually like it, but I was just too lazy to find the longer clip. So short it is! A bit silly to take things down so short when it is cold outside, but whatever man don't tell me how to live my life.

I honestly don't think I have anything else to say. Bought my train tickets for the trip from the airport back to Aberystwyth and was pleasantly surprised to only pay ten pounds. The difference between an advance ticket and a not-in-advance ticket is incredible. I mean holy shit.

Okay that's all I've got. I hope everyone had a good holiday. My holiday was pretty sweet.

That's what I really want/need right now, but I've got to be down in a lobby in less than three hours, so I'd better not risk it.

See, I caught my 5:15 am train this morning, got to the airport, and discovered that my flight had been canceled. Now they've been pretty nice about it; I am in a hotel and I didn't have to pay for that which is good, but apart from an hour long nap at around three this afternoon I have been on my feet/trying to stay awake for a while. I know, I know, I should have taken a longer nap--but that would have meant missing the free dinner, and once that was over it was too late because if I allow myself to sleep at all we will not be waking up for at least nine or ten hours.

Can't have that, so it's been a tea/Coke-drinking kind of evening. And a playing music loud. And stuff?

Fuck guys I am starting to lose the ability to string together sentences. I figure at check-in I will probably just grunt and point at things in the hopes that people understand me. Assuming I will be awake enough to do that much.

Goddammit I wanted to be home by now but I guess that wasn't in the cards. I will be soon enough, and the fact that I am so goddamned exhausted means I might even manage to sleep for most of the transatlantic flight, which is good because while I do not really fear flying I make an exception for flights transatlantical.

BOught some crisps and a pint which will hopefully give me the gumption to make it a little longer, and there's still two bags of complementary tea left in the room which will provide the final push I hope. Should have rationed those cokes better, but I was thirsty and failing at about eight so I really needed it. I am reminded of my time working third shift, except the last time I was properly asleep was around 10:00 Sunday morning. I'm writing this in the hopes that it will keep my brain going for a little longer. Having to concentrate on things like spelling and grammar helps keep the massive fog of sleep from just clocking me across the face like some kind of brick wrapped in delightful pillows and mattresses like the one on the bed in this room that is beckoning seductively to me... BACK, VILE TEMPTRESS, I HAVE A FLIGHT TO CHECK IN FOR IN A COUPLE OF HOURS DO YOU HEAR?

I am rapidly deteriorating into some kind of mess here without sleep, but all I have to do is hold out a little longer.

Don't panic. I know where my towel is.

Etc.

Been a few days, I guess. I'm one of the final three people in the house, and hilariously I already miss some of them even though they left this morning.

Okay so really I just miss the one in particular but still. Not even been gone for twelve hours and I'm already a bit unnerved at how weird it is to not be able to just walk downstairs and say hello. I've been spoiled, clearly. Being frustrated with work/eager to go home hasn't helped either, mind you. Not one jot.

Had a fairly unusual day--woke up early to see someone off, then came back home and started getting ready to leave before I realized I'm here for another whole day. Took a walk, got some work done (broke through the 1200 word mark and sort of decided to call it good for now), and even went out for Chinese food because the mood took me. Now I'm kind of picking sullenly at my proposal while trying to put off firing up a movie and calling it a night. The only problem is that I have a train to catch at five in the morning on Monday, so I need to make sure that I sleep a bit later than usual tomorrow so that my sleep schedule can accommodate staying up through the night, navigating the rails, and hopefully making it to the airport with enough time to plop myself in front of the gate and pass out until the flight. Or hold off on the passing out until I get on the plane. Whatever. Maybe I'll just go to bed really, really early tomorrow.

But I doubt it. It would be the responsible thing to do, but I'd mentioned to a few of the guys remaining in town that I would probably try to have a pint with them on the morrow, so that'll at least have me up and about until eleven or midnight or some other hour.

Oh yeah, and there was snow on the ground earlier today when I took a walk, which means that we got snow here? It was really cold but it has warmed up considerably since then. The weather here makes no sense--it is at least five degrees (Celsius, of course) warmer now, with the sun long gone, than it was when the sun was at its peak in the sky. Guess it is a living next to the sea thing.

I really need to try to do some more work but I am feeling so unmotivated you have no idea.

Oh, and that last hurdle? Taken care of.

So I got an email today which said that I'd scored a first on my poetry essay--I don't have the actual numerical value yet, but I will pick up the actual essay tomorrow and see what it is. A first on my first proper essay written in years is a pretty good pick-me-up though, and so I have been in a pretty happy mood since I got the news.

Hell, I've been in a pretty happy mood all day, though that was mostly on account of knowing that I just have the one thing left to do (and I even got a start on it, though only a couple hundred words at the most, I was a bit unwilling for some reason to really sit down and write today). Tomorrow I will go to the library again, take some notes again, and do some more writing. Then I'll pick up my essay and figure out what I'm going to do for Thursday night. It sort of depends on how I'm feeling; odds are I will attempt a quiet night in but such things are rare these days.

I actually managed to defeat a bout of depression last night through sheer force of will, and while I certainly hope that I can continue to do so I occasionally get the feeling that I've fucked something up and now everything is ruined, forever. It's not a particular something, to be honest--two days ago I became convinced that all my essays were shit (which wasn't true, because I got a FIRST) and that I would never be able to do a PhD and everything was ruined forever etc; a friend of mine helped convince me that this was not the case and it wasn't after all.

There are things I talk about sober and things I talk about drunk, and the trick is going to be saying some of the drunken things sober. I have this one last hurdle to clear, I think, mostly because if I cannot get over this lingering paranoia and white-knuckled-terror, I'm never going to manage to deal with the world. I've had a hell of a lot of success in becoming a better dude recently, so I think I'll give it a whirl.

Reckon that is it, guys. If you are of a mind to wish luck for things, wish me luck with my hat.